Stop going to Bruges: My actually honest guide to visiting Belgium

Most people go to Belgium because they saw that one movie with Colin Farrell and decided they needed to see a medieval bell tower before they die. Or they want a waffle. Look, I get it. But after spending three separate summers traversing this country—mostly because my sister moved to Leuven and I had a free couch—I’ve realized that the stuff you see on Instagram is mostly a lie. Belgium is weird. It’s messy. One minute you’re in a fairytale, and the next you’re standing in a train station that smells like old cabbage and regret. If you want the ‘perfect’ European vacation, go to Switzerland. If you want a place that actually has a soul, stay here.

Brussels is a disaster and you should go anyway

I’m going to start with a take that usually gets me yelled at: Brussels is objectively the best place in the country, despite being a total dump in places. I remember my first night there back in 2017. I arrived at Gare du Nord at 11:30 PM, thinking I’d just walk to my hostel. Big mistake. Within ten minutes, I was lost in a series of dimly lit side streets that felt less like ‘Grand Place’ and more like the set of a gritty crime drama. I ended up paying a guy 20 euros to walk me three blocks because I was genuinely turned around. It was embarrassing, loud, and smelled like diesel. I hated it for exactly two hours.

But then I found the bars. Specifically, the ones tucked away in the Marolles district. What I mean is—actually, let me put it differently. Brussels isn’t a city that tries to please you. It doesn’t care if you like it. The Grand Place is probably the most beautiful square in the world (I’ve seen 14 of them in major capitals, and nothing else comes close), but the real magic is the chaos around it. Go to Poechenellekelder. It’s a bar full of puppets. It’s creepy. The beer list is 80 items long. I once sat there for four hours drinking a 12.5% ABV Quad and watching a local man argue with a wooden marionette. You don’t get that in Paris.

The Manneken Pis is a literal insult to tourism. It’s a tiny statue of a kid peeing. There will be 400 people blocking the street to take a photo of it. Walk past it, don’t stop, and go buy a beer instead.

Bruges is a theme park, Ghent is a city

I know people will disagree, but I find Bruges incredibly boring. It’s like a wedding cake left out in the rain—pretty to look at, but eventually, everything just feels soggy and overpriced. I spent 42 euros on a mediocre steak frites there and felt like a total mark. If you’re over 65 and want to be bused from a canal boat to a lace shop, Bruges is your spot. Otherwise, skip the overnight stay.

Go to Ghent instead. It has the same canals, the same medieval vibe, but people actually live there. It’s a university town, so there’s life in the streets after 8 PM. There’s this spot called the Graslei where everyone just sits by the water with a bottle of wine. I’ve spent probably 30 hours of my life just sitting on those stones. It’s the only place in Belgium where I felt like I wasn’t being sold something.

I might be wrong about this, but I think the ‘Ghent Altarpiece’ is the only piece of religious art actually worth paying to see. I’m not a church guy, but that thing is massive and weirdly detailed. I tracked my walking distance in Ghent over a weekend—22 kilometers—and I didn’t get bored once. In Bruges, I was done in four hours. Total lie that you need three days there.

The 14-kilometer hike that broke my spirit in Dinant

Everyone talks about the cities, but the Ardennes are where the actual Belgians go to escape the gray. I went to Dinant because I saw a photo of the church sitting against a cliff. It’s stunning. But I decided to be ‘outdoorsy’ and follow a trail I found on a random forum.

It was supposed to be a light loop. It turned into a six-hour slog through mud that felt like wet cement. I didn’t bring enough water, and I ended up drinking a Coke I found in a vending machine at a campsite that looked like it hadn’t been serviced since the 90s. My boots were ruined. But standing on top of those cliffs looking down at the Meuse river? That was the only moment in Belgium where I felt truly quiet. It’s a vertical city. Everything is up or down. Your calves will hurt, but it’s better than another museum.

Anyway, if you go to Dinant, just take the cable car. Don’t try to be a hero like I did. It’s not worth the blisters.

I actively tell people to avoid Antwerp

I’ve been to Antwerp three times. I’ve tried to like it. I really have. People tell me the fashion is amazing and the diamond district is ‘sparkling.’ To me, it just feels cold. It’s pretentious in a way that the rest of Belgium isn’t. Everyone is wearing black, looking at you like you’re wearing a clown suit because your jacket is from five seasons ago. I refuse to recommend it even though every ‘comprehensive’ guide says it’s a must-see. It’s not. It’s a giant shopping mall with a nice train station attached to it.

I also hate Le Pain Quotidien. I know it started in Brussels, but it’s the most ‘corporate’ version of Belgian food you can get. It’s the Starbucks of bread. If you’re in Antwerp and you find yourself in one of those, you’ve failed the trip. Go find a hole-in-the-wall place that sells stoofvlees (beef stew). If the person serving you looks slightly annoyed that you exist, the food is probably going to be incredible.

One more thing: the trains. They are mostly great, but the signage is a disaster. I once spent 184 euros on a multi-trip pass that I couldn’t even use because I couldn’t figure out which platform was ‘S’ and which was ‘IC’ in time. Just buy single tickets on the app. Don’t overcomplicate it.

Belgium isn’t a place you visit to check things off a list. It’s a place you go to get slightly drunk on heavy beer, eat too much fried food, and realize that a city can be falling apart and beautiful at the same time. I still don’t know why they have two different names for every city (Lille/Rijsel, what?), and I don’t think I ever will.

Just go to Ghent. Drink a Duvel. Watch the water. That’s it.